You should go to Crete if you want to survive. Amourgeles. They'll come for you soon.

I'd lived in the city for a long time, and working the drive-thru window of coffee shop meant I'd seen some things. From blowjobs to furries. Sometimes furries getting blowjobs. Let's face it, no one was at their best when they were uncaffeinated.

So a strange lady with a creepy monotone prediction wasn't that odd. Normally, I would have just shrugged it off as another day in Boston.

Except a whole bunch of other weird shit had happened to me in the last three months.

I'd started seeing golden streaks of light. I thought it was a brain tumor, but it turned out to be pregnancy. With triplets. Didn't matter that I hadn't gotten laid in nearly a year after I caught my ex-boyfriend banging his hairy Albanian superintendent.

I'd rationalised the improbability away the best I could. Maybe I was one of those people who sleep walks and had a whole other life at night. Or maybe that one night I went out and got drunk at my co-workers farewell was a little wilder than I remembered.

But it was hard to rationalise away a shadow monster attacking me while I was watching reality television, or that my grumpy neighbor, Nate, grew two feet and killed it with a giant ass ax that glowed like pure light.

Turns out he was some kind of Irish folk hero. And eternal.

The shadow monsters kept coming. The weird shit kept happening.

And that, my friends, was my introduction to an entire world of supernatural things I don't know or understand. It was also the reason I was putting my heavily pregnant ass on a plane at the word of a crazy lady at my drive-thru window.

I didn't know why Nate insisted on coming with me.

I also didn't know why, when I made it to Amourgeles, I was drawn to a huge fortified building in the middle of nowhere. Or why I knocked on the wooden door when normally I would have run away.

But nothing-not the crazy prophecies to weird shadow monsters-could have prepared me for what answered that door.