Since I was much younger than I am now, I have been told I was a good writer. Writing has always been the easiest way to express my emotions and experiences. The written word is, and always has been, the most ideal form of expression. Writing has been used to apologize, provide praise and gratitude, criticize and condemn, and share my love with others.
While I have considered publishing my poetry, prose, and letters for quite some time, this always felt like the dream of a much younger version of me. Return To Sender was never what I had ever intended when thinking about publishing poetry. I had been collecting my pieces for several years, often hidden away within locked documents whose passwords had been long forgotten. This collection of works came about when I had returned to the art form after ending an engagement.
My former lover became angry that he was no longer the knight in shining armor that I had once seen him as and had since revealed himself to be destructive and manipulative. He had spent months shaming and speaking ill of me to all his loved ones, while continuing to solicit sexual encounters from me and keeping our interactions secret from current partners. So, when written pieces reflecting this evolved understanding of him had been shared to my social media, he became upset. Even though only he and I would be able to recognize it was about him, I was still condemned. I scrubbed my social media of all written works going back over a decade. After my sister and best friend talked me to my senses, I dug around my mind to get the passwords to old pieces. Within a month, I had not only found all the old pieces I had written, but also wrote over one hundred new pieces. I have since narrowed down what is shared to the book you now hold in your hands.
Needless to say, this has been a passion project: one of rage and resentment, but also one of self-discovery and self-love. This is a love letter to myself. No matter how foolish my decision making has been within relationships, I have truly learned to recognize my value, and how to prioritize my self-worth before others. I'm never one to avoid topics of mental health, so I don't mind the vulnerable experience of publishing my Narrative Therapy adventures, experiences of coming to terms with my anxious attachment style, and truly just wanting to be loved for who I am instead of a person others project onto me.
This book is separated into four parts. Part One is inspired by the first time I lived in Seattle, circa 2014. Part Two is a direct continuation from Part One, as the given section is inspired by my return to North Carolina in 2015. Part Three is inspired by my return to Seattle in 2021 and is directly followed by Part Four. Part Four is inspired by the end of the engagement and my healing process since.
My writing style is raw, not shying away from topics of sex, self-harm, and suicidal ideation. For all those who might be experiencing thoughts of self-harm or suicide, I highly encourage reaching out to a loved one or even the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline (800-273-8255 or 988).
Finally, I would like to share that I have no intent on keeping the financial gains produced from this book. This project was never to pay bills. Just as this writing experience has assisted in healing me, I would like to push that into the world. For more information about the direction of funding, I encourage you to follow my social media.