I was not able to save my son. Even though I work in the mental health field and have multiple degrees in clinical psychology, I was not able to save my son - even though I applied my knowledge and experience to try and help him. As the old saying goes, "You can lead a horse to water but you can't make them drink."
My son did not want help. In his mind he was fine - it was the rest of the world that was wrong. Part of me now believes this too. He lived his life on his terms and was authentically and unapologetically himself. He was different and beautiful and loving and kind and mean and scary - he was all these things. But, he was my beautiful boy. A life gone too soon. My heart and soul will forever be missing a part of it.
This is the story of mothering a child tormented by mental illness - a child who self‒medicated himself into psychosis in his search for the meaning of life. This is the story of a mother's love, grief and awareness - a story that many parents share. To all the parents whose child has struggled with mental illness or addiction: I see you, I hear you, I love you.