Have you ever sat in a motorway service station the wrong side of the latest Cornish-pasty chain – and wondered how you'll squeeze your way back to the car park without getting up close and personal with a man mountain and his matching woman whale, both in Nike plus-size sports tights?
Like a non-stop but very slow conga, the Big Ones leave their oversized cars, roll and sway through the automatic doors and around the food court before coiling about the counters of pasties – traditional, steak and gravy, and cheese and onion.
They often come in groups, possibly to maximise the free-jumbo-sausage-roll offer. You may need satnav to find a route around them without meeting their close relatives in the McDonald's tailback. They too wear outsize sports gear, for…
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The Oldie (Digital) - 1 Issue, April 2025