It's December 19, 2023, and eighteen years ago on this very day, I woke up from a nightmare that was my reality. That morning, I was admitted to a psych ward where I was involuntarily admitted for nine days. I was thirty-six, and my then-fourteen-year-old son had a long-standing relationship between himself and his triangle: me, his father, and his nana (my mother).
On December 18, 2005, the manipulation came to a head, and the altercation my son and I had led to me telling him to leave-to live with his father or nana-and that he would never live with me again. My son was more than happy to do so being that he was a teenager. He moved in with his nana, who let him quit school, smoke cigarettes, and do whatever he pleased. It was a no-brainer for my son.
The incident and all that led up to this moment put me in a bad place, and I quickly spiraled down the rabbit hole using alcohol and pills to escape. Too much of everything that day led to my breakdown.
I don't regret anything. Yes, it was a long road back, but it had been a long, strange trip even before this incident. I come from a dysfunctional family from the start and have run away my entire life. My tours with the Grateful Dead in my late teens gifted me the beginnings to my insight to the Law of Attraction, manifestation, and the magical life I live today.
I've searched for love my entire life, and I married for love at age twenty-one. Yes, it was a shotgun wedding, but I was in love.
I turned twenty-two, and two days later, my son was born. My world changed. I had a baby to love. The marriage lasted four years because I was smart enough to get out of a bad situation. I divorced, went to college, and became a paralegal. I was independent and happy. Life was good...for a decade. When I was released from the institution, I had to build myself back up like a phoenix from the ground.
Eighteen years have passed since then, and I'm here to share the thoughts I've collected from my real-life diaries that can influence you to change your paradigm, lift your spirits, awaken your divine higher self, and help you, remind you, or maintain you on this long, strange trip we call life.