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44 Articles

ED’S LETTER... It’s an unavoidable truth that every good thing has to come to an end and, sadly, it’s time for FHM to go to the great magazine rack in the sky. But just because this is our last issue, it doesn’t mean we’re going to get all morbid – January’s depressing enough. So who better to lead the final FHM than the delightful Holly Willoughby? Turn to p52 to see her interview us about, well, us – helpfully, it’s illustrated with photos of Holly looking better than she’s ever looked before. Away from Holly, there’s a lot to get your teeth into. Firstly, you can reminisce on our greatest moments with the FHM retrospective on p88, while you’ll be floored by our history of terrorism on p44. And on p32, we’ve got…

WE HUNG OUT WITH BIGGIE We did a photo shoot with Big Narstie, and it turns out that the grime stalwart isn’t very nasty at all – he’s actually very nice. Which, subsequently, makes him a liar. His name should actually be Big Liar. We didn’t tell him that because he has fists as big as microwaves. WE GOT INTERVIEWED BY A TOTAL LEGEND You already know that it’s Holly Willoughby. You saw the cover before reading this tiny paragraph after all, right? Here she is with photographer Perou and our art director Barney. Holly goes down in the history books for being the final ever FHM cover girl (sob) and what a lovely person to captain the sinking ship. WE TOOK A SUPERJUMBO JET TO WORK British Airways flew us out to LA to…

Our number-one reader When I featured in the world’s best magazine back in May 2012 in an article about the Falklands, I was over the moon. Hearing the news you guys are to stop printing was devastating – I fear there is going to be a huge gaping hole in my life and I’m not quite sure how to cope. I’m now living in the Falklands again and had all my copies shipped 8,000 miles down the Atlantic to join me, while each new issue was posted to me each month. You just can’t replace that simple pleasure of opening up a new copy of FHM each month and reading all the stuff you need to know. I don’t want to live life through a phone and I worry for future generations…

Would Wife Game Changer

WHO SHE? Age: 22 From: Florida Likes: Burgers, Instagram, Paul Rudd Dislikes: Cats, Mario Kart Instagram: @charlottemckinney Do us a favour. Find some paper and a pen and write down five billion numerically. That’s a five with nine zeroes, if you’re struggling. Now look at it. Say it out loud. Five billion. Five billion. Five BILLION. The enormity of that number sorta doesn’t register, does it? It feels like a made-up quantity, created by kids in a playground that like to hyper-exaggerate how many presents they got for Christmas. Not getting our head around it is no problem, though. In all honesty, billions are rarely reserved for us mere mortals. We’ll settle for the millions, thankyouverymuch. But five billion is a very real number for the girl on these pages. That number, that brain-beating number with the nine…

Would Wife Game Changer

FOUR MORE CARL’S JR GIRLS

AUDRINA PATRIDGE At the height of her fame in 2009, the star of US reality show The Hills crammed a Teriyaki burger into her mush while lolling on the beach in a golden bikini. EMILY RATAJKOWSKI The 2010 ad for the new Memphis BBQ burger proved no cookout is complete without tiny shorts, star-spangled bikinis and that girl from the Blurred Lines video. KIM KARDASHIAN The internet-breaking queen took her all-new Carl’s Jr salad into a bubble bath in 2009. Completely normal behaviour for anyone, of course. KATE UPTON An ad so sexy it was stripped from the airwaves, Kate Upton’s burger-pushing for the Southwest Patty Melt saw her enjoying it a little too much for TV.…

FOUR MORE CARL’S JR GIRLS

HOW I DID IT...

IAN WRIGHT, 52, FORMER FOOTBALLER Nothing drives a man like the doubt of an idol. As a kid, my older brother Maurice was my hero. He could do everything better than me – and he let me know it, too. The more he teased me, the more I practised. I got run over by a car while trying to impress him. I wanted to prove how fast I was, so I shouted “Watch this!” and legged it across the road and into a big car. I was in hospital for three months with a broken leg, so he didn’t tease me quite so much after that. I’m pretty sure I had ADHD as a kid. Not that the term existed back then. I was forever being sent out of the classroom. I just…

HOW I DID IT...

Entertain your brain

01 Huge star Make way for Big Narstie Big Narstie is a living, breathing, laughing Buddha. On our shoot, the grime kingpin is the picture of contented calm. It’s far more than you can say for the room around him. Music blares as slick agents pace around making panicked phone calls and pinching their brows in frustration. Why the hubbub? Big Narstie has forgotten his favourite trainers. And he wants them. Now. It’s a testament to how far Narstie has come that anybody gives a single, solitary shit about his size 12s – and it’s also proof that, in 2016, grime music has become Big Business. With the support of US hip-hop titans like Drake and Kanye West, the genre has outgrown its humble postcodes and set course for world domination. Narstie’s been there…

Entertain your brain

BEING A MAN IS STILL GREAT

There are three fundamental things that men enjoy: lager, Fifa and fart jokes. fart jokes have been funny for millennia, and they will be funny forever. They will be funny until the universe splinters at the edges and frays back into atoms. The dying gasps of the last man to ever live – his ancient, pulsating skull the size of an award-winning pumpkin, lying geriatric in a hoverbed – will be the quiet, gentle croak: pull my finger. Lager is such a basic component of manhood that you have to wonder what the very lowest standard of lager must be for a man to find it unacceptable to drink [ Fig. 1 ]. Bad lager is like bad sex: even when it’s bad, it’s still quite good. I’ve had lager out…

BEING A MAN IS STILL GREAT

DECK OUT YOUR MAN CAVE

01 JERK IT OUT Billy Franks is bossing the British beef jerky game with a huge selection of drool-inducing flavours including Cheeseburger, Texan BBQ and, er, Holy Fuck. We’ll take them all. Gourmet jerky, £3.10, billyfranks.co.uk 02 READ UP Get your book fix with the most cringe-inducing exchanges from the world’s favourite dating app, and a shedload of digital disasters. Tinder Nightmares, £9.99; Terrible Old Games You’ve Probably Never Heard Of, £6.99, both amazon.co.uk 03 SIP IT SLOW Jack Daniel’s Tennessee Fire will feel like someone’s taken a blowtorch to your cockles. Feeling flashy? Then splash out on some extra-matured No 27 Gold. Jack Daniel’s Fire, £18, tesco.com. No 27 Gold, £79, thewhiskyexchange.com 04 BECOME A POSTER BOY Pin up Rick Hincks’ strip-backed prints of classic Premier League goals and Kula Studio’s Adidas alphabet print. Football print, £12, shop.rincks.co.uk. Shoe print,…

DECK OUT YOUR MAN CAVE

An autumn evening in 2001, and 12-year-old Patrick Okogwu has been waiting outside Greenwich District Hospital since school ended three hours ago. Wrapped in his duffel coat, he strains to see through the hospital window, hoping to catch a glimpse of the rap group shooting a music video inside. Exploding over the UK music scene with their single 21 Seconds , So Solid Crew are the biggest thing to happen to south London since the Blitz. Finally, there’s a flurry of activity. The doors open and a 20-strong blur of bomber jackets, silver chains and box-fresh trainers is ushered towards waiting cars. Patrick approaches. Then, So Solid Crew are gone, leaving him standing in the wet car park of a London hospital. A scrap of paper is clasped in his hand,…

GARAGE COCKTAILS

It’s 10pm, and your house party is in full flow. But there’s a problem – it’s becoming abundantly clear that your promise of free beer all night may have been slightly optimistic. You dash into your garage in search of some forgotten crate, but all you can find is a rogue’s gallery of dusty cast-offs. Bottles won at various raffles and lucky dips; cheap, luminescent alcopops and mysterious foreign liqueurs gifted by your well-meaning nan. It will have to do. But now you need to produce something classy. Luckily for you, the guys at The Woods in east London are here to shake up your castaway cabinet and turn you into a makeshift mixologist… WKD LAGOON 25ml Absolut Berri Acai vodka 25ml Chambord liqueur 37ml cranberry juice 12ml lemon juice WKD Blue Lemon…

GARAGE COCKTAILS

A-HUNK-A-HUNK-A SWEET-BURNING CANDIED PORK

DJ BBQ SAYS… “Dating in Britain is tricky. Fact is, American towns are specifically designed to encourage PDAs. From make-out creeks, to drive-in movies, to sexually charged line-dancing evenings – you name it, we’re sucking face because of it. But you guys? You have to make do with trolly-infested canals, squelchy cinemas and old-man pubs. Even if you do find a scenic spot outside, the weather will screw you over – because it doesn’t matter how fly you are, it’s damn near impossible to sweet-talk a sexy señorita with a frozen booger dangling from your nose. “Want my advice? Well, listen closely, because here’s DJ BBQ’s patented date-night nailer: invite your lady friend around to Casa Del You, stick your smoothest Spotify playlist on shuffle, and serve up this life-changin’, lip-tremblin’, goosepimple-inducin’…

A-HUNK-A-HUNK-A SWEET-BURNING CANDIED PORK

This month’s challenger... MATT KING

01 What do you have on your toast? Mashed avocado with a sprinkle of chilli and a squirt of lemon juice. This bloke test is destined to go terribly. Not bloke 02 Have you ever stared someone out? My six-year-old daughter. She went for a good 10 minutes, but I’m the daddy. Bloke 03 What’s the biggest thing you’ve set fire to? A forest. I went camping with my missus in the Aussie outback at the hottest time of year. I nailed a mosquito coil to a nearby tree and forgot to put it out over night. I was woken up by screams and the sight of four trees on fire. The landowners put it out – they found it hilarious. Bloke 04 Have you ever twerked? Nope. I’ve been twerked upon, and it was not pleasant. Bloke 05 Have you ever…

This month’s challenger... MATT KING

THE EVOLUTION OF TERROR

OMAGH Northern Ireland When the Real IRA detonated a car bomb on a busy shopping street in Omagh, Michael Gallagher lost his 21-year-old son Aiden When: 15 August 1998 Death toll: 29 (and two unborn babies) Number of attackers: Unknown Method: Car bomb My family had already been touched by the Troubles. My house was destroyed in 1972 and my younger brother was assassinated by the IRA in 1984 for being in the Ulster Defence Regiment. But the Omagh bombing was so shocking because it came at a time of greater optimism in Northern Ireland, with the Good Friday Agreement recently signed and a feeling in the air that the future was going to be different. It was a Saturday in August. I had been working in the car repair shop I ran with my son Aiden. I…

THE EVOLUTION OF TERROR

GOODBYE FHM! BY HOLLY WILLOUGHBY

Well, hello FHM, or as I like to call you, ‘For Holly Magazine’. This is it – the big farewell. It feels as though I’m breaking up with someone who I once loved and we’ve just become friends. It’s time to say bye. I wanted to interview you for all those lads and lasses (OK, mostly lads) you’ve guided for the past 31 years. They don’t want to hear from me, they want to hear from someone they trust – someone who has steered them through spot-picking, nightclub-going, adolescent struggles. That’s you. So here goes… it’s question time. Some of your ‘health’ pictures were gross. But you found a ‘unique’ way of getting men talking about it. What was your finest moment? Before the internet, FHM was one of the only places men…

GOODBYE FHM! BY HOLLY WILLOUGHBY

IS THIS THE SMARTEST MAN IN THE WORLD ?

The beta-blockers were not working. Bouncing from his chair in a New York TV studio, Rick Rosner let out a Neanderthal roar. He punched the air with such ferocity that adrenaline – usually suppressed by the pills – coursed through his bloodstream in rapid squirts. You could probably forgive the hyperbolic reaction. Rosner, a bona fide genius with a one-in-three-billion IQ, had made it his life’s goal to become the smartest individual on Earth. Now, 8,000 books, eight college majors and more than 20,000 hours spent cramming for quiz shows later, he had a chance to prove it. Rosner took his place in the Who Wants To Be A Millionaire? hot seat – still feeling like he’d sunk a cocktail of Red Bull, espresso and cocaine – and began answering questions. If…

IS THIS THE SMARTEST MAN IN THE WORLD ?

In the dark, against the wet bricks of an east London alley wall, rapper Shortz, 22, is about to articulate what drives him to rap. A police car cruises by slowly and his group duck behind walls or pull hoods up. The acrid waft of a familiar smell suggests the wall is wet for a reason and Shortz might be better to position himself somewhere else. “These ends, man,” he says. “People just piss on everything.” This isn’t the high-end costume party of a Drake shoot – this is grime in every sense. But despite the low-fi surrounds, Shortz’s video – on YouTube platform site PacmanTV – will have 10,000 views within 24 hours of being uploaded. Everyone of a certain age in his area – Hackney, east London – knows…

HOW WE GREW UP & WHAT WE'VE LEARNED

1994 GUITAR MUSIC RULED THE WORLD AGAIN Oasis’s Definitely Maybe launched the Gallaghers into the stratosphere and marked the start of Britpop. Q magazine’s Matt Mason talks us through what the album meant… “When Stone Roses disappeared to make Second Coming and Happy Mondays vanished in a puff of crack smoke, much of the swagger of British guitar music evaporated. By ’94, the depressed howl of grunge and The Levellers’ dog-on-a-string earnestness had prevailed. “If your ambitions stretched beyond feeling glum or living up a tree, Oasis were life affirming. The appeal was so broad because it preached escapism from frustrations we’d all felt: working shit jobs ( Live Forever ); looking for shit jobs ( Cigarettes & Alcohol ); and being stuck in shit relationships ( Married With Children ). “When Britain’s best music…

HOW WE GREW UP & WHAT WE'VE LEARNED

OUR FAVOURITE HOUSEMATES

NADIA ALMADA (BB5): Transsexual bank clerk Nadia “I can’t have fun without my cigarettes” Almada roared to victory for her frankly terrifying skills in rows. Her subsequent pop career was perhaps not quite as fierce. MAKOSI MUSAMBASI (BB6): A pool scene with Anthony Hutton and a phantom pregnancy were followed by her being booed out of the house. Reportedly deported, the former nurse hosts a show in Zimbabwe. NIKKI GRAHAME (BB7): Surely the most commonly mimicked reality contestant of all time, Nikki’s “Who is she?” drama went viral before the term even existed. Scarily, from later evidence, it doesn’t even seem like it was an act.…

OUR FAVOURITE HOUSEMATES

If there’s one thing Jon hates, it’s quickfire questions as if he were Siri. So we asked him some. And then put them to Siri… Q: Are you a real person? JON: A lot more real than Siri is. I can hug and kiss and warm up your feet in bed. Try doing that with your iPhone. SIRI: I’ll leave that for you to decide. Q: Will we die alone? JON: No, I’ll always be there with you… Whether you like it or not. Like fungus. SIRI: We come into existence alone, and we leave it alone, so you are not alone there. Q: Would you rather be a dog that could talk or a human that barks? JON: A talking dog, then I can win Britain’s Got Talent . SIRI: I found this on the web for ‘Would…

FHM READ IT AND WEEP

If you’re trying to understand FHM’s phenomenal success, there are two phrases that underpin every issue: “Is it useful?” and “Is it funny?” Add in incredible journalism and pictures of the world’s most beautiful women and you’ve got a product that’s defined everything good about being a bloke over the past two decades. When a great cultural institution dies – remember how gutted you were when My Family ended? – its passing must be marked. And as it’s us that’s getting the bullet, we’re devoting the next 10 pages to FHM . So, whether you’re a new reader or a returning one (and, seriously, that paunch actually makes you look more dignified), here’s our tribute to the greatest magazine that ever walked the face of this Earth.…

FHM READ IT AND WEEP

100 SEXIEST WOMEN IN THE WORLD

The world was a different place in 1995. The former Yugoslavia was aflame, the Gallagher brothers were on speaking terms and Nick Leeson was busted for his mischief at Barings Bank. But even more dramatic events were taking place at the FHM offices, as the inaugural poll took place to determine the world’s 100 sexiest women. The votes were counted and German model Claudia Schiffer came first. That said, it wasn’t just about the top spot. Looking through early polls, you can see Victoria before she was a Beckham and the varying fortunes of the Minogue sisters, while you’re transported to a time when the likes of Lisa Faulkner and Claire Goose (nope, us neither) captured our hearts. The winners themselves were incredibly varied, too. X-Files actress Gillian Anderson was the thinking…

100 SEXIEST WOMEN IN THE WORLD

Few women have contributed more to FHM than Rachel Stevens – pop siren, cover star and, as voted by you, Sexiest Woman Of All Time. Here, she waves her final goodbye… Hi Rachel! You were on the cover of FHM 11 times… How amazing is that? The moment FHM got in touch I was always like, “Oh hello again! Of course we can do a shoot!” Tell us about your first shoot in 2000. In S Club 7, we basically lived in shiny, baggy trousers and crop tops. FHM was a chance to show off and be an adult. It’s been a huge part of my life. So, what was so good about hanging around with us geeks? I loved that you let me do my shoots in a sensual, not raunchy, overtly sexy way. I…

THE HIGH STREET HONEYS

Before High Street Honeys, normal women – as opposed to models – had never really been in men’s magazines. FHM changed that. From 2002, aspiring cover models submitted photos, readers voted for their favourite and a girl was crowned the winner in a glossy annual magazine. Natalie Pike, now 32, was victorious in 2004. Here, she tells us how High Street Honeys changed her life (and ours). “It was two minutes that changed everything. My then-boyfriend and me were both mad FHM readers. He said, ‘You should enter this,’ and took a picture of me on the bed. It was 2004, I was 21, and in those days you still had to wait to get photos developed, so I didn’t even know if they were good. “‘The only women who ever appeared on magazine…

THE HIGH STREET HONEYS

OUR BEST EVER COVERS

FHM readers have incredible taste. While buyers of other magazines can barely tell the time without getting a stroke, FHM chaps spend their leisure time reciting poetry and eating pretentious food in restaurants named after French rivers. So who better to judge the best ever FHM cover? A few weeks back, we put a selection of our covers on the FHM Facebook page and asked you which was your favourite. You argued, you made jokes and you did that thing where you copy your mate’s name in but don’t say anything. But most of all, you voted – in your thousands. The runaway winner was the Britney Spears cover from July 1999, which got twice as many votes as its nearest rival, 2008’s Megan Fox cracker. In third place was the Pixie…

OUR BEST EVER COVERS

“I WAS AN FHM COVER STAR… AND I LOVED IT!”

“When I was younger, I really wanted to be in FHM – so it was a dream come true when I was asked to do a cover shoot. Every cover star – whether they were an actress, a singer or a model – looked really beautiful and powerful. “When I started on Coronation Street , some of the girls there had done it already and it looked a laugh. The first one I did was just after I’d been on I’m A Celebrity… I loved it! “I’m really proud of those shoots and have saved lots of stuff for my little girl, though she’ll probably cringe when I show them to her a few years down the line. When she sees my little FHM award for Highest Placing Brit in 100 Sexiest…

“I WAS AN FHM COVER STAR… AND I LOVED IT!”

“I DID UNSPEAKABLE THINGS IN THE NAME OF LOVE”

“ am a physically unappealing man. But during my time at FHM , I slept with about 30 beautiful women, all of them way out of my league, and most of them paid for on expenses. It was Hugh Grant’s fault. “In 1995, the star of Four Weddings And A Funeral was arrested by LA police for picking up a hooker. What made the incident even more shocking was that – without wishing to appear ungallant – the lady in question wasn’t exactly a looker. Yet Grant was dating Elizabeth Hurley, a sex symbol and cover star who was at the very height of her powers. What the hell was he thinking? “At our next features meeting, we decided to find out. One of us would have to sleep with a prostitute,…

“I DID UNSPEAKABLE THINGS IN THE NAME OF LOVE”

THE LABORATORY OF LOVE’S CRAZIEST COLUMNS

ARE YOU BRITAIN’S BEST SHAG? The plan was simple. Get FHM -reading couples to come to a London hotel to take part in a highly ‘scientific’ experiment to prove who was best at ‘doing sex’. A female journalist and I watched them go from foreplay to full sex, and rated them on categories like ‘orgasm control’ and ‘number of positions used’. The tie-breaker involved us whispering a secret word to the men, who then had to ‘write’ it on their partner’s clitoris during cunnilingus by spelling out the letters with their nimble tongues. GRUB SMITH VS THE LESBIAN Quickly realising that I was too incompetent in the sack to give anyone proper advice, the magazine hired a back-up columnist called Athena Douris. A cute American lesbian, she shared all the tricks she had…

THE LABORATORY OF LOVE’S CRAZIEST COLUMNS

FHM’S GREATEST HITS

Since 1994, we’ve done our best to keep our readers entertained, even – alright, especially – if it’s meant humiliation, professional suicide or personal injury on our part. Goodness knows we’ve deserved it. Of course, the upside to that is that in-between the hospital visits, arrests and threatening phone calls, we’ve also managed to meet some of the most beautiful women in the world – no small feat when you boast looks as ‘unusual’ as ours. So, in absolutely no special order – we’re not very good with counting and that – here’s a selection of our favourite moments from the FHM archive… WE WATCHED RON BURGUNDY FEED ICE CREAM TO HIS DOG BAXTER AND STUCK IT ON THE COVER Well, no one else was going to do it. WE PROJECTED THAT PICTURE In 1999, we…

FHM’S GREATEST HITS

WINTER STYLE THE JACKET OF A LIFETIME If you’re going to lay down some serious dosh for a winter jacket, it should be one you’ll be digging out year after year. This incredible coat from Stone Island is just that. What makes it so special? First, there’s the exterior, which is made from a colourless translucent water- and wind-resistant film. Underneath is a shearling inner-jacket that will keep you toasty no matter what the conditions, plus windproof flaps on the pockets and a fur-lined hood. If all that’s not enough – and quite frankly it should be – the outer shell has been dyed using a technique that allows the film to take on numerous shades without losing its transparency. The question is not can you afford to buy this jacket, but can…

AM I DONNING THE RIGHT LOGOS?

DON’T GO OVERBOARD You don’t need a 20-inch logo to stand out. This Fred Perry jacket is simple, understated and looks damn smart. Swap the tee for a checked shirt and you’re sorted for Friday night. DO KEEP IT CLASSIC The iconic 501s are a fail-safe classic. You just can’t go wrong with Levi’s jeans – unless you’re putting them on backwards, that is. DON’T FORGET HERITAGE BRANDS Traditional brands such as Lyle & Scott make logo-wearing easy. Quality pieces like this grey polo shirt will still be going strong for years to come. DO GET YOUR KICKS The original tennis shoes are back: Adidas Stan Smiths are subtle yet recognisable and go with everything. Instant street-cred in a shoe.…

AM I DONNING THE RIGHT LOGOS?

LOGOS UNCOVERED

ELLESSE Ellesse’s logo shows a half tennis ball, reflecting the brand’s heritage in the sports clubs of Italy. ADIDAS The trefoil represents the world’s three continental plates – and has been used since 1972. BEATS This brand’s logo is a stylised side-view of a person wearing headphones. Who knew? FRED PERRY The laurel wreath is not only a historic emblem of excellence, it’s also the old Wimbledon symbol. LEVI’ The logo shows a pair of horses trying to pull apart a pair of the infamous strong jeans.…

LOGOS UNCOVERED

GYM BAG ESSENTIALS

01 £12, primark.co.uk 02 £12, slydes.co.uk 03 £2.80, primark.co.uk 04 £169.95, beatsbydre.co.uk 05 £159, apple.co.uk 06 £99, timex.co.uk 07 £25, Nike at jdsports.co.uk 08 £1.50 each, primark.co.uk 09 £2, primark.co.uk 10 £3.60, waitrose.com 11 £33.33, Michael Kors at debenhams.com 12 £9.95, mr-blacks.com 13 £4, Nike at jdsports.co.uk 14 £5 for two, Nike at jdsports.co.uk 15 £8, primark.co.uk 16 £5, primark.co.uk 17 £30, lyleandscott.com 18 £2, primark.co.uk 19 £30, nike.com 20 £6, primark.co.uk 21 £29, bjornborg.com 22 £17.99, adidas.co.uk 23 £12, primark.co.uk…

GYM BAG ESSENTIALS

GET FIT AT HOME

LEG RAISE Stand directly behind a chair with both your hands on the top of its back. Starting with your right leg, keep your leg straight and squeeze from the bum to lift and raise it backwards. After 12 reps, switch legs and repeat. Carry out three sets, alternating legs. PUSH-UP From the normal push-up position, place the top of each foot on a chair as if someone is holding you off the ground. Complete eight regular push-ups followed by eight slow ones – four counts down and four counts up. BICYCLE Lie down on your back with your knees bent and your hands behind your head. Bring your right elbow in towards your left knee as you straighten your right leg. Continue, alternating sides as if you’re pedalling. SUPERMAN Lie face down with your arms and…

Meet The SUPERHUMANS INSPIRATIONAL ATHLETES TO HELP YOU AIM FOR GREATNESS IN 2016

“SIT LIKE A BARREL. STAND LIKE A PINE TREE. WHEN YOU WALK, WALK LIKE THE WIND” MASTER YOUR MIND Master Wang Shi Heng Ying is a 32nd descendant of Shaolin Temple and Abbot of the Bamboo Forest Temple and Orphanage, all of which means he’s the sort of guy you bow to when you meet and try to avoid eye contact with. To achieve inner peace and kung-fu mastery, we sat down to talk channelling both body and mind “I was seven when I started training to become a student of the Abbot at the Shaolin temple. Along with the physical training, I was taught Zen Buddhism and philosophy, which gave me a deeper understanding of life. “In this world, the impossible actually is possible. There are ways of getting there, but first you…

Meet The SUPERHUMANS INSPIRATIONAL ATHLETES TO HELP YOU AIM FOR GREATNESS IN 2016

Head into the wild in Lapland

Getting there 01 Discover The World offers three-night packages from £988 per person, including flights. discover-the-world.co.uk/icehotel 02 Return flights from Manchester to Kiruna start at £281. flysas.com Sleep on thin ice Icehotel’s igloo accommodation, from £140 per night, is handcrafted each winter from ice sourced fresh from the nearby Torne river. Local artists have carved mind-blowingly complex suites inside, each one unique. Scared you’ll shiver? There’s no need to worry. Though it’s -5°C inside, you’ll be given a mammoth sleeping bag tested to -25°C. Toasty. icehotel.com Bomb around on snowmobiles The zippiest way to get around Lapland is by ski-doo. Reaching speeds of up to 60mph, these machines are a white-knuckle adrenaline rush. PS: It hurts when you fall off, even at 3mph. Meet (and eat) Dasher, Donner and Blitzen Along with a church, one restaurant and a…

Head into the wild in Lapland

Time for the gym

If your watch can’t measure your heart rate, monitor your sleep and tell you what to have for tea, we don’t want to know. To right these wrongs, FHM’s sweaty, wheezing Upgrade editor Tom jumped on to the $1.3 billion fitness bandwagon in search of the ultimate smartwatch Garmin Vivoactive £199.99, garmin.com Looks: Like something James Bond would pack in the ’70s. Functions: There’s a lot going on here, with an ‘inactivity bar’ to encourage you to get off your flippin’ behind. With a few more features, it’d be all powerful. Overall: 4/5 Pebble Time Steel £230, pebble.com Looks: Like an Apple Watch bought down your local market. Functions: Focuses on easy-to-read notifications and music playback rather than fitness – great for blasting out Bieber’s latest banger. Overall: 2/5 Microsoft Band 2 £199, microsoft store.com Looks: Like RoboCop’s cock ring, ie bloody great. Functions: This is almost too clever for…

Time for the gym

Make millions playing poker

Daniel Negreanu is a Team PokerStars pro and twice World Poker Tour Championship winner who’s made over $30,000,000 by convincing people his cards are better than theirs. Here’s how you can do the same 01 WIN THE CHIPS “Texas hold ’em is the most common form of poker. The aim is to win your opponents’ chips by playing a better hand of cards than them. High number pairs and aces are ideal. The best position is sitting at the end of the table – as the last man you can get away with weaker hands.” 02 TALK TO YOUR FRIENDS “I learned poker by playing with friends. Afterwards, you can discuss the game and your mistakes. This opens your mind to different possibilities and rhythms you might not have come up with on your…

Make millions playing poker

POKER HALL OF FAME

01 ARNOLD ROTHSTEIN The New York gangster – famous for fixing the 1919 baseball World Series – was shot and killed while owing $320,000 following a three-day poker game. 02 WILD BILL HICKOK An Old West gunslinger and gambler, Wild Bill was shot in the head by ‘Crooked Nose’ Jack McCall while playing a game of poker in the town of Deadwood. 03 THE MARX BROTHERS Four out of the five Marx Brothers – Harpo, Groucho, Chico and Gummo – were given their nicknames during a poker match in 1915. 04 RICHARD NIXON The former US president financed his first political campaign with money earned playing poker in the navy during WWII. 05 CHRIS MONEYMAKER Moneymaker had never previously played in a live poker tournament when he won the 2003 World Series, bagging $2.5 million from an initial investment…

BMW 7 SERIES MODEL: BMW 730d PRICE: From £64, 530 ENGINE: 3.0-litre twin-turbo diesel POWER: 261bhp 01 Engines range from sensible diesels to twin-turbocharged V8s 02 A gesture-controlled infotainment system means you don’t have to touch a single dial 03 The upscale interior boasts business class features like on-board WiFi 04 Remote control parking = no more supermarket prangs If you’re in the market for a luxurious super-saloon, there’s some pretty lovely stuff on offer right now. Mercedes-Benz has the all-conquering S-Class, Audi’s A8 is a hit with the red-carpet set and Jaguar’s XJ is stylish enough to host the Royal family. But, let’s not forget BMW, whose 7 Series has long been the most luxurious ride in the line-up. If you like your motors pricey, packed with gadgets and swankier than Bond in black tie, this could be…

Hot advice from a cool girl: How to bag the ultimate girlfriend FEATURING Rosie Mac

01 Every time she speaks you shout, “Oh-my-God-that’s-so-funny-I-love-you-will-you-go-out-with-me?” Rosie says: If I liked him I’d probably say yes. I’ve said yes many a time on a first date. Girl On The Net says: What if she’s trying to tell you her gran just died? Better to just be yourself. FHM says: Don’t be yourself. No one likes you. 02 You propose as soon as you see her, withdrawing all the money from your account to buy a ring Rosie says: I’d run away from you fairly quickly. Girl On The Net says: All your money? Unless you want to hold your wedding at Wetherspoons, that isn’t the best idea. FHM says: Save time by holding the wedding there and then. Who says efficiency isn’t sexy? 03 When you see her, you can only grunt before running off Rosie says:…

Hot advice from a cool girl: How to bag the ultimate girlfriend FEATURING Rosie Mac

True story: “I’d hear men’s skulls cracking as they were smashed against walls”

“I’D DREAMED OF MOVING TO THE STATES SINCE I WAS A CHILD. I mainly just wanted to be where I could make lots of money, and so, at the height of the first dot-com boom, I managed to wangle myself a job as a stockbroker in Arizona and left Widnes for the US southwest. “Within 10 years, I was making millions of dollars trading technology shares. I soon realised I had to spend all the money on something, so I started investing in these huge desert raves. “Around this time, the drug scene exploded in Phoenix. As you’d expect, there were huge amounts of illegal substances at these parties, and a lot of shady characters knocking about, too. Seeking a new thrill, and with my money and connections to hand, it wasn’t…

True story: “I’d hear men’s skulls cracking as they were smashed against walls”

THE FINAL COUNTDOWN

09 Any cult box set Did you have to take a few days’ compassionate leave from work after Breaking Bad ended? Sounds like you need help. We prescribe a hearty dose of Netflix and a special dispensation from Dr Oetker. 08 Your first love You’ve not even seen her since you were 14, but then... boom! There she is on LinkedIn’s ‘People you may know’ – and you’re endorsing her for skills such as ‘having an adorable laugh’ and ‘smelling like a spring meadow’ 07 Your childhood dog Mums: we know you mean well, but when you tag us in pictures of long-perished family pooches on Facebook, you might as well put shards of glass in our tea. That’s how much pain you’re causing. 06 Pubs being pubs Isn’t it nice that you can now enjoy your…

THE FINAL COUNTDOWN

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