43 Articles

Navy Gazing Thank you for your awesome magazine. There is nothing like looking at hot American women to brighten my day here in Japan. Maxim gives me something to look forward to when I come home. —Robert Riter, US Navy ET3, via e-mail We’ll be waiting for you, Rob! In your living room. On your couch. Oh, and by the way, you’re out of Doritos, and the lamp was broken when we got here. We swear. Nipplegate Hey, Maxim, what gives? Is there some law that states you guys aren’t allowed to show nipples? I mean, I see more gratuitous nudity when my wife is flipping through her Cosmo. What’s the big deal? —Brian Castagna, via e-mail There actually has been a law in place ever since Maxim editor Patrick Carone tweeted shirtless pics of himself at…

1 min.

Sealed With a Fart

When we received a card in the mail, we thought, How nice! Someone sent us a congratulatory card for finally filling out our beard. Upon opening it, we realized it was less praise and more pfft: This card totally farted in our face! Fart by Mail is, as far as we can smell, the only greeting card company that ships flatulence. It not only makes the sounds of but-bombing but also emits a foul odor that can only be replicated by downing an entire White Castle Crave Case. $9, fartbymail.com Each month MAXIM empties its sack for you.…

1 min.

Maxim Goes Sweatin’ to the Oldies

How does our director of photography, Andrea Volbrecht, kill time in Los Angeles between cover shoots? Why, Jazzercising with RICHARD SIMMONS, of course! Ever text coworkers a pic of yourself without really thinking that it could end up in a national magazine? So did our photo director, Andrea, who sent us this sweaty snap at the Slimmons Studio in Beverly Hills. And she couldn’t be happier that we’re printing it for everyone to enjoy! We were pretty surprised to learn that this wasn’t some special one-time deal—anyone can take an aerobics class with the Richard Simmons for a mere $12 per spandexy session! So how was the experience? “Favorite workout ever!” reports Andrea. “He’s a ball of energy, he swears like a sailor, and he gave my water bottle a blow job.…

1 min.

Maxim Exposure

Maxim.com Now taking applications for our 2014 Hometown Hotties competition. Send ’em our way! Conquer your bracket—and put a little cash in your pocket—with our March Madness master class. Our gallery of spring-break girls demonstrates how T-shirts are meant to be worn: wet. Instagram Follow @MaximMag for a behind-the-scenes look at what goes on in our office. (Hint: Not a lot of work.) Facebook Give us a thumbs-up at facebook.com/maximmagazine and we’ll be besties forever and ever, or until you get completely sick of us posting adorable pictures of kittens napping. Xbox 360 Download the Maxim app for your Xbox 360 to watch videos of celebrity interviews, silly shenanigans, and models doing yoga. Namaste.…

1 min.

Lili Simmons

Finishing the White Powder “I surf a bit, but what I really love to do is snowboard, so at the end of the season I take any chance I get to head up to the mountains.” Philly Phanatic “My grandpa played for the Phillies, so I’m rooting for them as soon as spring training starts.” Easy Being Green “I like to go to friends’ parties or whatever on St. Patrick’s Day. I just wear something green and have a good time.” Luck of the Irish “On St. Patty’s Day, everyone is ready to party because of the green beer. It’s good if guys wanna get lucky, but not necessarily if they’re trying to get a girlfriend.” Forgetting Football “It’s nice when guys stop talking sports. If you want to get a girl, give her your complete attention.” GO TO MAXIM.COM…

1 min.

Growing Veins

Lungs Yale University researchers injected damaged rat lungs with healthy cells from a fetal rat, hit the “popcorn” setting on an incubator, and watched them grow into fully functional lung tissue. Coming soon: human lungs. Skin A gizmo called ReCell, currently being tested by the military, takes a postage-stamp-size sample of your skin and turns it into a spray that can regrow large patches of damaged flesh. Goodbye, name of ex-girlfriend you carved into your forearm! Trachea Using a patient’s own stem cells layered atop a glass “scaffold,” doctors at Karolinska University hospital in Sweden swapped out a cancerous trachea for a fresh lab-grown version ready for celebratory cigars. Penis Like an ink-jet printer for genitals, Anthony Atala, M.D., of Wake Forest University’s Institute for Regenerative Medicine extracts your own cells and grows duplicate penises for transplantation.…

1 min.

Ookie Oreos

This month America’s favorite sandwich cookie turns 101 years old. And like most centenarians, its life has not been without regrets. Chew on its most effed flavors. Green Tea Sold in Asia, this Oreo is like a practical joke where one of your idiot friends replaced the cream filling with a wet, used tea bag. Creamsicle If we wanted to eat a Creamsicle, we’d do it as nature intended: by following an ice cream truck and stealing it from some kid. Peach and Grape When your sinful treat sounds more like something you would buy at the farmers market, you must be doing it wrong. Candy Corn The Halloween Oreo infuses the filling with every kid’s least favorite trick-or-treat candy. What, raisins weren’t available?…

1 min.

Hot tub tide Machine

Not since we impatiently waited for Titanic to end have we been this excited by a ship filled with water. The hotTug is the world’s first wood-fired hot-tub boat. Created by Dutch designer Frank de Bruijn, the vessel holds more than 475 gallons of water and uses a wood-burning stove to heat it up to a muscle-melting 100°F. The price varies from $11,500 to $21,000, but if that’s out of your price range you can rent it out on the canals of rotterdam. Just make sure that when you ask for a “Hottug,” you’re not in the red-light district.…

2 min.

Die Hard’s Best Blow Jobs

To salute A Good Day to Die Hard, we take a walk down Molotov Lane and recall the franchise’s three best explosions. But how realistic are they? FBI bomb tech KEVIN MILES tells us whether or not the kablooies are just plain phooey. Jumbo Jet Explosion Die Hard 2: Die Harder While Det. John McClane is fighting bad guys on the wing of a moving jumbo jet about to take of, he opens the fuel door, and a stream of flammable liquid pours out. Mc-Clane is knocked of the wing, and right before the plane takes of he pulls out his trusty Zippo lighter, lights the stream of gasoline on fire, and makes the airplane go boom. Great product placement, Zippo! Bomb tech: “While it’s possible, it’s very unlikely that the trail of…

1 min.

Body Shots Gone Bad

G-Spirits No. 1 Collection, $156–$182 G-Spirits pours this booze over a model’s breasts before bottling, yet they don’t call it “boobze.” If you enjoy it, you must be (a) rich and lonely or (b) a supervillain. Diamond Standard Vodka, $121 Diamond Standard is “purified” with thousands of De Beers diamonds. Evidently, the company was founded in the only town that has more diamonds than Brita filters. Sapporo Space Barley, $110/six-pack Sapporo once brewed a beer with barley that was grown in space. At $18 a bottle, it was more like drinking a Sapporo in a strip club than on a spaceship.…

1 min.

Sippin’ Gold

Get your Irish up the classy way: with an old-ass bottle of really expensive Irish whiskey. At $260, Jameson Rarest Vintage Reserve isn’t cheap, but the mellow, fruity finish is worth robbing a bank for. Made from a blend of vintage whiskeys aged in port casks, the final result is rich and deep—just like Scrooge McDuck’s pool of gold coins—and features notes of toasted wood and a touch of dark chocolate. Don’t bother fussying it up in a cocktail. To drink it like a true Irishman, order it neat or with an ice cube—or any other member of seminal ’90s rap group N.W.A.…

2 min.

Michael Jackson

Michael, did you kill yourself on purpose? He says he didn’t. It was just too many kinds of drugs in too short a period of time. Do you regret what happened? At first he did, because he was making a comeback, but he says we have to relinquish everything from our last life before we can move on. What did you think of the outpouring of grief that followed your death? “Unprecedented,” he says. There wasn’t as much media or things like Facebook and Twiter when Elvis died, so it really was unprecedented. What do you wish you had done differently while you were alive? He wishes he hadn’t tried to look white. And the plastic surgery, too. He also regrets what happened to Neverland. He wanted to honor his inner child there and to have underprivileged…

2 min.

Jokes

Q: What’s the difference between jam and jelly? A: I can’t jelly my dick up your ass. —JAMES RIEL, BOSTON, MA A couple is shopping in the mall for hours. The wife turns to talk to her husband and realizes he’s nowhere in sight. Angry, she calls his cell phone and asks where he disappeared to. “Honey,” he says, “remember that jewelry store we walked by a few years ago, and you loved the gold locket in the window but we couldn’t afford it, so I told you I would buy it for you one day?” Choked up, the wife replies, “Yes, how could I forget?” Her husband goes on, “Well, I’m at the bar next door to it if you need me.”—MARTY, VIA E-MAIL A brunette, a redhead, and a blonde are…

1 min.

Why do a girl’s nipples do the opposite of a guy’s penis when it’s cold?

—Dustin Hagemeier It’s all about keeping warm. In the case of nips (our favorite Encyclopedia Brown mystery, by the way), the pop is caused by tiny muscles contracting to trap heat and raise any hairs she has to add warmth. Unfortunately, guys don’t have those same sorts of muscles downstairs. Says anatomy expert Derek Walton: “Your buddy has to tuck in close so he can be ready to come out and play for those warm nights.” Tag, you’re it, wiener! What should I do if I see an endangered animal eating an endangered plant?—Adam Erickson Just let nature take its course. “Plants often rely on animals to ingest their seeds and disperse them when nature calls,” says World Wildlife Fund scientist Eric Diner-stein. Remember that the next time you smell a flower—it likely…

1 min.

Survivor Stats

The spider finally finds something that can satisfy her. • A bite from a Brazilian walking spider can incite a painful erection that lasts four hours…and kill you. • A bite from a bushmaster viper has a fatality rate of about 80 percent. • A person can’t survive losing 40 percent of his body mass, which means someone with 24 pounds of fat can last up to 60 days without food. • An average person can survive a week without water. Beware of Flesh-Bound Insects “If you contract botflies, which lay eggs inside your skin, you can lure them out by attaching a piece of bacon to a Band-Aid, placing it on top of the bite, and letting them crawl out of your skin.” And Flesh-Eating Ones “Army ants come out in millions, and if you are on…

1 min.

Conquer the Recording Industry

TOMMY MOTTOLA, co-owner of Casablanca Records and former head of Sony Music Entertainment, on how to be a legendary hit maker. KNOW HOW TO CARRY A TUNE “Most people who want to be music executives simply have an appreciation of music, but I had the training ground of being an artist and a music publisher. I could tell what was a good song that would also be commercial. So by the time two odd-looking guys from Philadelphia walked into my office and played me their songs, which were so original and extraordinary, I knew they’d be a hit. Those two guys happened to be Hall & Oates.” STAY OUT OF SPRINGSTEEN’S HAIR “When Billy Joel or Bruce Springsteen is playing you his new music, you just sit back, listen, and know that you’re hearing…

1 min.

Make a St. Patty’s Day Burger

THE EMERALD ISLE DOUBLE BURGER Ingredients • 1 lb. Certified Angus Beef ground chuck, 80 percent lean • 2 Tbs. Irish butter, frozen and grated, plus extra for sautéing • 1 cup each sliced crimini mushrooms, yellow onion, and leeks • 1 cup each white cabbage and red cabbage, shredded • 2 cups Guinness stout • 3 Tbs. sugar • ¼ cup each Kerrygold Cashel Blue and Irish Whiskey cheese • Potato roll or brioche bun Directions 1. Separate ground chuck into two portions and roll together with frozen and grated butter, about ½ oz. into every 7½ oz. of meat. Form into patties. Chill. 2. Melt remaining butter in a pan over medium heat; sauté leeks, onion, and mushrooms till they turn a caramel color. Season with salt and pepper. 3. Do a quick sauté of the cabbages for a little crunch,…

1 min.

Bounce Up and Down, Competitively

Stabby Spartacus: War of the Damned star LIAM MCINTYRE kicks ass on the small screen…and the trampoline! Really! PREPARE FOR PAIN “When I competed in college, we’d start with 20 minutes of light cardio and an hour of stretching. Then we’d head to the trampoline to practice a new move, 15 minutes at a time. The next day everything hurts.” LEARN THE HARD WAY “I went halfway through a somersault, forgot how to go through the rest of it, and dove toward the trampoline. I managed to tuck my head under before I snapped my neck. Turns out that’s actually a move!” STARVE “You eat pretty much everything that’s normally too boring to eat. If it has favor, you can’t have it. For breakfast, I’d usually have porridge and a protein shake mixed together in a…

1 min.

Rule the Tourney

DON’T GET TOO CAUGHT UP IN IT ALL… It’s tough being a Kentucky fan—all our players are one and done. It’s hard to be a huge fan of guys who you just met a few weeks before and are about to go to the NBA and make more money than you’ll ever see. ...BUT STICK WITH YOUR TEAM Of course, I’m still rooting for the Wildcats. I can’t bet against my own team. And despite how good we’ve been, it still means I’ve lost something like 30 times, so I can’t really recommend this as a betting strategy. LET IT ALL HANG OUT At the game? Forget the huge signs and leave the other team alone. Unless the sign has my face on it and info on my show. That’ll get their attention. The Ben Show…

1 min.

Drain a Three-Pointer

Forget Dunking “A lot of the athletic players never committed themselves to learning to shoot three-pointers. To say I’m not the most athletic guy in the NBA is an understatement, so I practiced the same shot over and over.” Keep It Simple “I’m more of a set shooter, which helps in the fourth quarter when you’re tired. Keep the footwork minimal: Catch the ball, one, two, step in, and keep good balance so you can hold your follow-through.” Ignore the Bench “Some teams wave their towels or stomp their feet when you catch the ball, but it’s the same distance on every court, so just stick to your routine and it’ll go in.”…

1 min.

Charge!

Remember that hot hippie girl from history class who was environmentally conscious but still shaved her pits? That’s kind of what BMW’s i8 is. (Except you can’t copy off its test.) This electric hybrid, for sale in 2014, is great for city driving but can also burn gas (and tear ass) like any other supercar on the road. Its estimated 87 mpg means trips to gas stations will fade in the rearview. You also won’t have to worry about getting pulled over or stuck in gridlock, because its system is loaded with alerts about speed limits and traffic conditions. Go fast, look cool, and save the environment…You’re Captain friggin’ Planet! —Evan Bleier Spec Check PRICE $123,000 (est.) ENGINE Hybrid electric/three-cylinder gas TwinPower turbo Spec Check HORSEPOWER 354 0–60 MPH 4.5 seconds TOP SPEED 155 mph (limited)…

1 min.

The Big Boy Toy Shelf

Monster DNA On-Ear Headphones These tough headphones can withstand any abuse, whether it’s stuffing them in a backpack or blasting Michael Bolton. They also have dual inputs to connect with another pair, so you can spread the love to that girl on the subway, providing she doesn’t get out the pepper spray. $230, monstercable.com GoPro HERO3: Black Edition Light, waterproof, and capable of taking 30 photos per second as well as shooting cinema-quality slow-motion 1080p video (think The Matrix), the HERO3 will help you capture your nephew’s birthday…or money shots. It’s wi-fienabled, so you can control it remotely with an app on your phone or tablet. Get your spy on! $400, gopro.com Ducati Multistrada 1200 S Say “buon giorno” to a sexy new Italian with a jacked-up 150-horsepower Testastretta engine that’ll have you flying on…

1 min.

Best Chest

Looking to screw around for a bit? Then you definitely don’t want to be caught without your tool. The Craftsman Nine-Drawer Heavy-Duty Ball-Bearing Tool Storage Combo is one massive, beautiful, lust-worthy chest, hefty enough to handle your junk. Each drawer can take a load of 50 pounds (that’s roughly equal to one Olsen twin or 200 illegally harvested adult kidneys), so you can safely fill it to the brim with handful upon handful of your nuts and bolts. Time to get drillin’! $540, craftsman.com…

5 min.

PIN-UPS

Forget March Madness—how about some Elisha Cuthbert madness? The cutest canuckin’ Canadian that ever was returns to Maxim for her fourth cover shoot! Following Elisha you’ll fnd supermodel turned actress Anne V and Maxim favorite Joanna Krupa. March is indeed roaring in like a lion—a sexy lion! OH, HAPPY DAY! Canada has gifted us many treasures (John Candy, maple syrup, hockey fights), but none have inspired such lusty American fervor as the pouty-lipped bombshell Elisha Cuthbert. We really got to know Elisha in her breakout role as 24’s catastrophe-prone Kim Bauer, where she routinely put her dad in near-death situations. (Hey, who hasn’t?) These days on ABC’s Happy Endings, she’s once again irresistible as Alex, an enthusiastic ditz whose passions include Woody Allen and, uh, oversize sausages. So take a seat poolside…

2 min.

THE SUPERMODEL NEXT DOOR

From fox-trotting on Dancing With the Stars to cat-fighting on The Real Housewives of Miami, Joanna Krupa has become the queen of reality TV. Meow! Your fans last saw you on The Real Housewives of Miami. Was shooting it as insane as shooting Dancing With the Stars? I’d say DWTS was tougher—it was physically and mentally exhausting! When you’re out dancing with your friends, you think you’re cool. But then you get in the ballroom and it’s totally different. You came in fourth place. That’s quite an accomplishment. That was one of my proudest moments. I’m very ambitious and competitive, so I wanted to do well. But don’t get me wrong—for some of the ladies The Real Housewives was also a competition! I was shocked by how low people could hit below the belt…

3 min.

DIE HARD HOT

You’ve seen this red-hot Russian strutting down the Victoria’s Secret runway and rolling around in the sand for bikini shoots (stupid lucky sand!). But now super model Anne V is set to ignite the big screen in the explosive fifth installment of Die Hard. Prepare to get blown away. Congrats on your acting debut! How did you get involved in A Good Day to Die Hard? It all happened so fast. I was auditioning for a different film, but the studio thought I was a better fit for Die Hard, so they asked me to read for that. I literally had half an hour to prepare my lines in Russian. I didn’t think there was any chance I’d get the part, but I got a call the next day, and the…

11 min.

NEROS WIN!

Geeking Out With Jimmy Fallon The host of Late Night embraces his inner computer dork Late Night was the first show to make gaming and social media integral elements, but even back when you were on Saturday Night Live, you always seemed connected to tech stuff. Yeah, I was one of the first cast members to say we ought to embrace geek culture and technology, whether it was playing the IT guy or doing “Jarret’s Room,” which was basically a Wayne’s World rip-off with a Webcam. Back then I remember people saying, “Do kids really do this?” I’m like, “Yeah! There are people doing Web shows from their dorm rooms all over the country!” So that was all a part of your world? I was a computer science major in college, and my dad worked…

3 min.

THERE IS NO CURE FOR STUPID

JAWBREAKER When Chad Ettmueller, 38, opened wide for the double-meat, double-cheese sandwich he bravely ordered from the Which Wich shop in Atlanta, his jaw locked open and the sandwich went tragically uneaten. With his mouth stuck in the “ahhhhrrrrrghggh” position, he was promptly taken to the ER, where doctors worked 14 hours to surgically move it back to its natural position. As for the sandwich, it’s suing for negligence and emotional distress. DUMB-O-METER How stupid is each patient’s situation? 1 Tanning at a salon when there’s a beach nearby stupid 2 Showing off your abs wherever you go stupid 3 Banging a grenade with STDs stupid 4 Headbutting a cement wall stupid BUTT SEASON In Utah in 2011, a hunter’s dog got a little carried away while exercising his right to bear arms. After the…

9 min.

The NEW GUY

"C’MON, PRESS IT!" Guy Fieri screams at me as I attempt to flatten a wad of meat on a sizzling hot grill. “Use some of that forearm strength!” I’m sweating balls in a 100-plus-degree kitchen during the lunch rush at Guy’s American Kitchen & Bar. I came to learn what it takes to work the grill, man the bar, and wait the tables, and judging by how things are going so far, it’s probably for the best that my real job primarily consists of sitting at a computer staring at women all day. The spatula I’m using drops to the floor as I wipe away the sweat that’s stinging my eyeballs. Today is not going to be easy. Guy’s American Kitchen & Bar opened six months ago in Times Square. Like Guy…

1 min.

GUY GLOSSARY

DENUDING CHICKEN The time-consuming (and kind of gross) job of removing tendons from chicken breasts, necessary for making Guy’s “Awesome” Pretzel Chicken Tenders. COVERS Patrons of the restaurant. On a busy day, Guy’s American can go through as many as 3,000 covers. BIAS The technique of cutting vegetables at an angle. This makes a thinner cut easier, and they look better on the plate. The scallions that garnish the Sashimi Tacos are cut on a bias. THE PASS The area in the kitchen where just-prepared food is placed by line cooks before it’s picked up by runners. ROLL-UP DUTY The unfun task of shining the silverware and rolling it up in napkins. Each server at Guy’s American is required to do 150 rollups per shift. WINGETTES AND DRUMETTES The two parts of a chicken wing. You…

3 min.

Joan Rivers

You are the first woman to be Maxim’ Icon. What do you think about that? I think that straight guys have lowered their standards. That’s what I think. Have you ever had a bad run-in with a celebrity you trashed on Fashion Police? Christina Aguilera! Because I called her fat on the show. I saw her in a restaurant. She walked across the restaurant, and I thought she was really going to give it to me. She looked down at my plate and said, “Are you gonna finish that?” Has anyone ever thanked you for setting them straight after a good trashing? Yes! Ke$ha! She said to me, “I don’t care what you say about me. I love hearing you talk about me.” Julia Roberts said to me, “Say it to my face.” Those are…

4 min.

MAXIMUM WARRIOR SPECIAL OPS

"COMBAT IS 30 DAYS OF BOREDOM WITH 30 SECONDS OF EXCITEMENT. You don’t know when that 30 seconds is going to come, so that’s how we built Maximum Warrior.” So explains Ret. Special Forces Sgt. Maj. Karl Erickson as he walks the grounds of T1G, an elite military training facility tucked away in Crawfordsville, Arkansas. T1G is the playing field for Maximum Warrior, Maxim’s annual competition between members of America’s highest echelon of military operators. Sgt. Maj. Erickson was the inaugural winner, and for the past two years he has designed the challenges that subsequent competitors have faced. This year he’s built his most sadistic course yet. The warriors will face IED explosions, flash bangs, and live fire. They will be required to rappel down buildings, execute sniper missions in the dark, drive…

1 min.

GEAR OF WAR

BLACKHAWK! WARRIOR WEAR JACKET SYSTEM Three jackets (Training, Ops, and Shell) that can be worn separately or layered together for customized needs. blackhawk.com, $100, $230, $300 POLARIS DEFENSE’S MRZR 2 Ultralightweight vehicle featuring blackout drive option, collapsing roll cage, litter mounts, and all-wheel drive for fast, agile mobility. polaris.com, prices vary BLACKHAWK! TALL TANTO BOOTS Ideal boots for maneuvers in urban or dusty terrain, with shock-absorbing rubber outsoles and washable, antimicrobial footbeds. blackhawk.com, $150 PETZL STRIX TACTICAL LIGHTS Water-and impact-resistant head-worn lights for use during night maneuvers. petzl.com, dealer prices vary…

1 min.

The Helpful Hottie

How can I tell my girlfriend she’s gained weight? —Jake Hedley Oh, boy, there’s no nice way to point that out. Try to be as gentle as you can and suggest working out or trying a nutritional program together. What should I leave out of my online dating profile? —Enrique Valade Your address and phone number! There are plenty of female creepers out there—and they may try to find you. Do gift cards ever work as birthday presents? —Jeff Ullman Definitely, especially because it’s so hard to shop for girls. For me a gift card for Victoria’s Secret is way better than some crappy gift I’m going to have to go exchange anyway. Is there any cheese that doesn’t work for a grilled cheese sandwich? —Austin Schlatter I hate bleu cheese and think it would make a…

1 min.

Cleaning Lady

So how gross was the office when you came in this morning? Honestly, I was mortified by how dirty it was. I spent the whole day dusting, scrubbing, and watering dying plants. Did anything here make you gag? There was this nasty Circus Balls cereal that someone had spilled all over their desk. Who eats that, anyway? We’re gross. We know. Yeah, but for a bunch of slobs, all the Maxim guys look pretty well put together. Look, I wouldn’t kick you out of the bed for eating crackers. Did you snoop around in anybody’s trash? No way! The staff asked me to reprimand interns if I saw them getting out of line, so it would have been embarrassing if I were caught acting unprofessionally. I know the rules. This wasn’t my first cleanup job. Really? You don’t…

3 min.

Keep ’Em Begging for More

Getting busy with someone new is always exciting. Yes, awkwardness pretty much comes with the territory, but don’t simply resign yourself to a clumsy first round. Sex and relationship expert Emily Morse, coauthor of Hot Sex: Over 200 Things You Can Try Tonight, says that when it comes to getting first-time booty, “The most important thing to do is relax and have fun with your new partner.” So why not kick it up a notch? Instead of playing it safe and boring, unleash your wild side and make your inaugural roll in the hay one she’ll remember. DO IT WHEN SHE LEAST EXPECTS IT While you might think bedding a woman for the first time requires a picturesque setup in the boudoir, ladies actually prefer an impulsive romp—and why restrict it to…

2 min.

CREDITS

p.10: Hometown Hottie, Zoe Mc Connell; Vickers, Justin Macala; yoga girl, Georgi Anchev/Getty Images; kitten, iStockphoto; wet T-shirt woman, iStockphoto p.14: FIFA World Cup, Clive Mason/Getty Images p.15: Hot Tug Hot Tub Boat (2), courtesy of Hot Tug p.16: Die Hard II, 20th Century Fox/The Kobal Collection; Live Free or Die Hard, Frank Masi/20th Century Fox/The Kobal Collection p.17: Elin Nordegren, SplashNews p.20: Hand, iStockphoto; jelly, iStockphoto; Ted, Universal Pictures/Everett Collection; NBA leprechaun, Jeff Haynes/Reuters p.21: Mug shot, Rich Legg/Getty Images; panda, Andy Buchanan/AFP/GettyImages; baby in raft, Tony Arruza/Corbis; Brothers, Lionsgate/Everett Collection; leprechaun, iStockphoto p.22: Dominic with beetle, Mike Reid/Cream Productions Inc; Dominic with snake, Brian Bowen Smith. Banana, maggot larvae, army ant, and chimpanzee, iStockphoto (4) p.24: Mottola, Jemal Countess/Getty Images; Lopez, Vince Bucci/AFP/Getty Images; Springsteen, Brooks Kraft/Corbis; Carey,…

1 min.

Mila Kunis

Before becoming the big screen’s hottest leading lady—with roles super hilarious (Ted), super sexy (Friends With Benefits), and super weird (Black Swan)—Mila was cute little Jackie on That ’70s Show. That’s when the gorgeous Ukrainian first turned us into blubbering idiots. (That is, even more blubbering and idiotic than usual.) This month she plays an enchantress in Oz: The Great and Powerful. Mila, we’ll be at the premiere clicking our heels and yelling, “There’s no place like Kunis!” (Likely from the back of a police car.)…

3 min.

slammin’ style

After 12 years in Texas, San Antonio Spurs superstar point guard Tony Parker has three championship rings and zero pairs of cowboy boots. Find out what else the NBA’s classiest dresser has in his closet and how to pull off the season’s coolest looks. It’s our spring fashion preview! Now more than ever it seems like basketball players are the most fashionable guys around. What’s up with that? That’s true, but I think it started in 2005 when David Stern changed the dress code. When I joined the NBA in 2001, everyone was into the hip-hop style. The players were wearing throwback jerseys, and everything was size XXXL. As soon as the new rule came into place, everybody had to become more fashion-conscious. You think any guys failed in their attempts? For sure. Tim…

1 min.

Marching Orders

1. American Eagle Outfitters Shirt, $50 ae.com 2. Dockers Alpha khakis, $64 nordstrom.com 3. Tommy Hilfiger Silk-spun tie with camo tail, $60 macys.com 4. Gant by Michael Bastian Polo shirt, $150 gant.com 5. True Religion Platoon shorts, $198 truereligionbrandjeans.com 6. DC Shoes NVRBRKN Tailblock cap, $35 dcshoes.com 7. Diesel K-Canopo henley sweater, $168 diesel.com 8. Ambig Bi-fold “Stash” wallet, $36 ambig.com 9. Sanuk Shipwrecked shoes, $65 sanuk.com 10. Tumi Everett Essential tote, $295 tumi.com 11. Massif Collection Asset blazer, $395 massif.com/collection…

1 min.

Light Brights

1. Adidas Energy Boost, 9.8 oz., $150 adidas.com For multi-marathoners in need of ultra-durability. 2. Reebok RealFlex Strength TR, 9.7 oz., $100 reebok.com For mega-milers looking for a natural foot flex. 3. Puma BioWeb Elite, 10.6 oz., $100 puma.com For pavement pounders who like a cushiony kick. 4. Vans LXVI Graph, 7.6 oz., $70 lxvi.vans.com For folks looking to trim foot fat while walking. 5. New Balance Minimus Hi-Rez, 3.9 oz., $120 newbalance.com For the extreme ounce-conscious barefooter. 6. Asics Gel-Lyte33 2, 8.5 oz., $90 asics.com For strong-kneed guys seeking a responsive run. 7. Skechers GOrun 2, 6.6 oz., $80 skechers.com For guys who like having removable insoles to fix the fit.…

1 min.

Arm Candy

1. Armitron Dual-time digital watch with alarm, $35 amazon.com 2. Emporio Armani Acqua Sport stainless-steel watch, $295 emporioarmani.com 3. Movado Series 800 chronograph, $950 866-680-3150 4. Nixon The Newton Digital watch with polycarbonate and mineral-crystal case, $125 nixon.com 5. Victorinox Swiss Army Dive Master 500 mechanical watch, $1,250 victorinox.com 6. Pulsar Stainless-steel chronograph on rubber strap, $185 kohls.com 7. Modify Watches Mix-and-match timepiece, $30 for dial, $20 for strap modifywatches.com 8. Lacoste Seattle stainless-steel watch on silicone strap, $195 macys.com 9. Tissot T-Race black quartz chronograph, $650 us.tissotshop.com…

1 min.

Body Work

1. Speed Stick Power Invigorate antiperspirant/deodorant, $3 walgreens.com 2. Dove Men+Care Shave Gel for sensitive skin, $4.50 amazon.com 3. Gillette Fusion ProGlide low-resistance razor, $11 gillette.com 4. Robert Graham Floyd shave kit, $98 robertgraham.us 5. American Crew Medium-hold shineforming cream, $17 americancrew.com 6. Acqua Di Parma Colonia Essenza hair and shower gel, $48 saksfifthavenue.com 7. Anthony Logistics for Men Instant Fix Oil Control, $28 anthony.com 8. The Art of Shaving Unscented pre-shave oil, $25 theartofshaving.com 9. Lacoste Eau de Lacoste L.12.12 Blanc fragrance, $62 bloomingdales.com 10. Caswell-Massey Pure Badger shave brush, $55 caswellmassey.com 11. Zirh Platinum PM Rescue renewing serum, $125 zirh.com 12. Braun Cruzer high-definition precision trimmer, $25 at department stores…

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Maxim March 2013 (Digital)

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